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« on: August 12, 2009, 09:30:58 PM »

The Concierge Ladies Guide to Hiring Male Companions

Adapted from Big Doggie's Client and Escort Guides.

First, you cannot "expect" anything more than to pay the companion for his time with you, either at a place mutually agreeable ("outcall") or at his place ("incall"). Anything else and you may be participating in an illegal activity. The exchange of sex for money is prostitution, and is illegal in most of the US (exceptions are the brothels in Nevada and currently the state of Rhode Island), and certain aspects of it are illegal in many other countries. Please know the law where you live and act accordingly.

The following two points are important to understand:

   Money exchanged in legal adult personal services is only for time and discreet companionship. It may also be in exchange for certain services such as exotic private dance, modeling, role-playing or sensual massage.

   But, of course, the fantasy goes beyond merely meeting with him for an hour. If this does happen (and there is no guarantee that it will happen given the above parameters), then whatever happens is a purely a matter of personal choice and personal preference between two or more consenting adults of a legal age and is not contracted for nor is it requested to be contracted for or compensated for in any manner.

What to expect:

   DO EXPECT him to check your i.d. carefully. He does not want to get busted.

   DO EXPECT him to turn and leave if you use any specific words that can lead to his arrest. Any sexual innuendo or actual words will make most companions leave quickly, both because those words may describe an illegal act and because you'd be proving you're clueless. You can NOT use any such words... at least not until you both have decided you aren't with a mal-intended member of moralistic society who is interested in using the law to enforce social control of adults behind closed doors.

   DO EXPECT that he may, especially if he's from an agency, phone in to let them know he's there and that things are going well. Also DO EXPECT that he will call after the meeting is finished to let them know he is OK and leaving for the next session or whatever. This may not be the case with independent companions.

   DO EXPECT to pay him for his time upfront, of course. He won't take your personal check. If he's wise, he also won't take your plastic (that can lead to a bust because it crosses interstate lines). Some will advise you to leave the money lying on the dresser, working on the premise that is less illegal than actually giving it to him. I'm not sure I perceive the distinction, but what the hell. Best course of action is to just place the money on a bedside table or hand directly to him without saying anything. Repeat: don't say anything.

   DO EXPECT to treat him like a human being, not an object. Offer him a drink. See what he wants. Be nice. In every walk of life and in every profession people who treat others with kindness, compassion and caring generally get better service.

   DO EXPECT him to treat you professionally. He sees you as a client, not his girlfriend. If you want moon/june romance, stick with a boyfriend (or someone who appears to offer a romantic service- this is where endorsements come in very handy).

   DO EXPECT to let him know you appreciated the session, verbally and perhaps financially, if you feel so inclined. A tip, though not always expected is ALWAYS appreciated! Doesn't have to be a huge tip.

Client tips:

1.   Make your first contact memorable. Be concise, honest, friendly and open. If you just want info (shopping?) be honest. If you want to schedule an appointment, suggest best time for you (don't say "How about some time next week?") Mention fee if you don't already know, but don't ask specific questions about it. Don't be graphic or specific-EVER.

2.   Tell him a little bit about yourself. Tell him where you heard about him. Don't waste his time--he gets plenty of inquiries, make yours stand out. Talking on the phone or via e-mail gives you a great idea of what hes going to be like in person. If he's friendly and nice, he will be in person. Its also your chance to start building his perception of you. Be respectful. These guys are PEOPLE. Treat them like you would a boyfriend or lover and they will respond positively. It sounds simple, but people can be pushy and rude.

3.   Now that you've made a good first impression, carry it through to the appointment. Show up! Be on time! Be freshly showered and presentable. Not too much "cheap" perfume, please. Be careful of doing anything that would scare him or cause him to be suspicious. Make a great in-person first impression!

4.   Be confident and relaxed. Act like you've done this before. Greet him cordially. Give him a handshake (or, even better, a short non-sexual hug!) and smile and look him in the eye. Be nice--it costs no more and it will pay off in better dividends when it counts.

5.   Place the agreed upon fee on a dresser or nightstand. Pre-counted and in a plain white envelope is always a nice touch. Don't seal the envelope. You may even hand it directly to him if it feels comfortable or if he extends his hand--but DO NOT SAY ANYTHING. Nothing. Just hand it over in payment for his time. Don't argue, ask for explanations, try to bargain, or otherwise ruin the mood at this point. Have a little trust and faith, you will be rewarded!

6.   Talk to him--simple but very, very effective. Talk about him--compliment his attire, his hairstyle, his scent. Whatever, but be honest--phoniness shows up quickly. If he asks about you be open and honest--it shows. Men like to relax and have a good time, just like you. Talking during the engagement relaxes everyone and makes it more enjoyable for all. Don't be pushy or grabby.

7.   If the engagement was excellent and the company was superb, think about leaving a small tip to express your gratitude. Especially, if you are thinking of seeing him again. Depending on the length of the visit, a token tip of anywhere from $20 to $100 would surely be appreciated--figure this into your budget for the evening.

8.   You may consider bringing the gent a gift for your next meeting. This will win you brownie points! Listen to what his likes and dislikes are, his musical tastes, his wine preferences, etc. Reading his blog or forum posts and paying attention to what he says will give you insight into what an appropriate gift may be.

9.   Bonus Tip. The final thought here is to use common sense and civility at all times. The above points are mostly just that. Treat the gentleman as you would like to be treated--with respect, kindness, caring, and genuine sensitive feelings.

General info

1.   If you are browsing an online message board to find someone compatible, say what area of the country you are looking in. Ask for recommendations in that geographical area.

2.   Read the message or review board for a while just to get the flow of how things work before posting anything. (Couple weeks, if you aren't under immediate pressure).

3.   When asking for endorsements or help on a message board, it is always a good idea to also be a contributor. Post your endorsements or start off your message with "I saw John in NYC and he was ...". Then ask your question. Just broadcasting "Someone tell me something about anything?" isn't particularly effective.

4.   Get acquainted with a couple of other internet sites that contain relevant information. Here is a page with several such links: Links.

5.   Remember that the companion may be a bit distant in the very beginning because he has at LEAST as many concerns as you do, like:

o   getting busted,
o   getting a weird/bozo client,
o   getting a no-show,... etc.

6.   To keep things level, on your 1st time out go with strong community recommendations.

7.   Talk w/him by phone/e-mail prior to appointment if possible. Treat him like a person, treat him like a gentleman. People do business with people, here even more so than the rest of the world.
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Vincent Braddley
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« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2013, 10:42:16 AM »

Great guide.

Makes everything easier and more pleasant at the same time.

Thank you.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2013, 10:46:07 AM by brad » Logged
MelodiousL
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« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2014, 04:44:12 PM »

Thank you!  This is an excellent guide and resource for newbies like me.  If I may, however, I'd like to respectfully share another strong response I had upon reading this post.  While helpful, it gives the impression that a woman looking to engage the services of a male companion is "auditioning" for him, and that she should be competing for his attention and favor the way that women are expected to compete for male attention in all other aspects of life.

As a woman who has never hired a male companion before, one of the things that I find appealing about the idea is that it frees me from the potential discomfort of having to worry about "impressing" a man in the traditional sense.  Of course, I understand the need for both parties to be honest, open and respectful so that a comfortable rapport can be established.  To be sure, I would always be respectful, warm, friendly and genuine to anyone providing me with a service.  But if I am paying a substantial amount of money for that service, I would not expect to be treated as though doing so was a privilege for which I should be grateful.  I would feel better seeing a list of etiquette tips for the companions as well as for the clients.  Perhaps this exists elsewhere on the forum? 

That is just my honest reaction, which I am sharing in the event that someone else has had similar thoughts.  I am sure that, given my inexperience and the sensitive nature of this business, there are subtleties of which I am unaware.  Your feedback is welcome and appreciated.   
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Quinn
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« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2014, 05:14:12 PM »

Melodious, it's always fine to share an honest reaction. The information given here are guidelines, not hard and fast rules. Just take what sounds right to you, and leave the rest. There are similar guidelines for the men in numerous places on this forum. Some of them you won't have access to until you reach full 'Ladies' status.

You'll find that there are some escorts who will see any woman who wishes to be a client. They are often men who make their living as companions.There are others, who are more exclusive because they have day jobs, and take only a small percentage of the women who approach them as prospective clients. In those cases, it is rather like you are auditioning. If there are certain companions you're interested in, you can get to know them by posting on this forum, perhaps sending them a pm, and by pm'ing women who have written endorsements for them. You'll find the men and women in this community are very helpful.
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Quinn
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« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2014, 06:21:03 PM »

P.S.  I just realized I should clarify something for you, Melodious. I don't want to scare you off. The gentlemen who are more selective are most interested in making sure they commit their time to someone they will click with. They aren't going to rule you out because of how you look, how much you weigh, or how you flirt.
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MelodiousL
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« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2014, 06:57:18 PM »

Thank you, Quinn!  I am grateful for your insight.
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matthias
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« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2014, 10:28:27 PM »

I'll add another important aspect to this: as with romantic relationships, there are factors that will lead to a truly terrific experience, and they may not align for all companions and ladies.

Did you ever watch firefly? I think of us as the male equivalent of Inara. Not everyone who comes to us is coming to the right person for the experience they seek. When I decline a meeting it is because I know there is someone better for the experience being sought. In my particular area of specialty, the most common request that I refer on are women who want a good bdsm experience. I don't do that.

I would image other people have similar boundaries.
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GreggAllen
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« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2014, 09:31:48 AM »

I second your comments Matthias..

When possible, I describe and re-describe my strengths to a potential client.  It could be read as unconfident, but I just want to make sure that my client gets the experience that they most desire.  I don't ever want them accepting my skill set. I want them to revel in what I have to offer!

This is another reason why it is so helpful on a board like this to make contacts.  If we know the other guys here in the northwest and their skill specialties, it wouldn't be near a challenge to refer a lady to someone in particular.

I am certainly not going to say "I saw a 40-something on Backpage that says he is experienced in BDSM".  That would be unprofessional on my part.

GA
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Vincent Braddley
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« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2014, 02:06:33 PM »

P.S.  I just realized I should clarify something for you, Melodious. I don't want to scare you off. The gentlemen who are more selective are most interested in making sure they commit their time to someone they will click with. They aren't going to rule you out because of how you look, how much you weigh, or how you flirt.

Quinn, you are always showing us how smart you are and you said this exactly how i wanted to. Click is the word !  Especially for me. I am not interested in acting or i would have stayed in LA  ;D
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Quinn
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« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2014, 02:45:43 PM »

Quote
Vincent: Quinn, you are always showing us how smart you are ...

Vincent, now you're making me blush.  :-[
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Chibs
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« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2015, 01:20:10 PM »

I found this article Very helpful! there are many things that I didn't know!
oh, btw, the banter after was awesome too!
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« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2015, 12:50:53 AM »

Client tips.

4. If you are a little tensed that's very normal. Just give in to it. Don't worry. Nothing is obligatory.

Only handshake; no hugs ! The man has to keep out of the ladies comfort zone during the first 15 minutes; unless she wants to hug.


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Gentleman James
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« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2015, 02:16:00 AM »

Thank you!  This is an excellent guide and resource for newbies like me.  If I may, however, I'd like to respectfully share another strong response I had upon reading this post.  While helpful, it gives the impression that a woman looking to engage the services of a male companion is "auditioning" for him, and that she should be competing for his attention and favor the way that women are expected to compete for male attention in all other aspects of life.

As a woman who has never hired a male companion before, one of the things that I find appealing about the idea is that it frees me from the potential discomfort of having to worry about "impressing" a man in the traditional sense.  Of course, I understand the need for both parties to be honest, open and respectful so that a comfortable rapport can be established.  To be sure, I would always be respectful, warm, friendly and genuine to anyone providing me with a service.  But if I am paying a substantial amount of money for that service, I would not expect to be treated as though doing so was a privilege for which I should be grateful.  I would feel better seeing a list of etiquette tips for the companions as well as for the clients.  Perhaps this exists elsewhere on the forum? 

That is just my honest reaction, which I am sharing in the event that someone else has had similar thoughts.  I am sure that, given my inexperience and the sensitive nature of this business, there are subtleties of which I am unaware.  Your feedback is welcome and appreciated.   

Melodious, this is not only fair and reasonable, but a great insight to bring up! I think from a companions perspective (& obviously I don't speak for all), but a companion generally enters this vocation based on a genuine love for women and a satisfaction in their pleasure, growth & development, in whatever area/s this occurs.
If you have specific etiquette questions for any/all companions, i am sure most would oblige a transparency and generosity around that for you :)

Fondly, Jx
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James
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« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2015, 01:07:16 AM »

I'm so glad I live in the state of Victoria, Australia.

My licensed SW number is on my site. There's no bull shit about me being a 'companion' and 'anything that happens beyond that is between two people.' As long as I follow safe practise and don't take incalls to my own home, then I'm licensed to do sex work. Other states in this fine country are more liberal than that: you can do incalls to home or hotels and don't even need to be licensed. Do we have crime associated with sex work/trafficking? Sure, but I'll bet it's far less than other more 'governed' systems. Let's hope things stay the same here.
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Kai
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« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2015, 07:25:43 PM »

This was very helpful to read, thank you for sharing. I wondered if there was some sort of protocol around hiring a male companion and now I know.  :)
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Through resonance comes cognisance; through cognisance comes understanding; through understanding comes knowledge; through knowledge comes life and well-being.
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